Let's see ... in less than a week Aidan will turn 18. And in less than a month he will be officially off to college.
And I don't think I can do this.
I thought maybe it would help that he's had a full-time job this summer, so instead of being here with me all day every day all summer, it's been more like the daytime period will be when he's at college. Except that I know he's coming home in the evening, and I know he'll be sleeping in his bed each night.
I had a hard time when he went for Freshman Orientation and was gone two nights. I used it as a practice run for the Fall ... and I didn't like it! It just seems so wrong that suddenly we're down to ONE room in the house being occupied with family at night (if you don't count the cats). It feels empty and sad and ... yeah, wrong.
It doesn't help that I'm having the mother of all mid-life crises. I can't write, and I don't want to scrap, I'm stuck with this stupid neck brace, and I'm bored out of my skull all day, every day. I don't have much stamina, and don't have the health to work or volunteer anywhere right now (took a shopping trip to Target yesterday to buy all Aidan's dorm bedding, and it nearly killed me). And I am feeling old (I'll turn 49 in December), and just don't see what the purpose of my life will be once Aidan's gone off to college. I know he'll still need his mom "out there" in his life, but my days of constant, active mothering will be over.
One could argue that those were over once he went to 1st grade and didn't need me every second of the day, but those of you who know understand that, just because your kid isn't at home doesn't mean you're not still mothering in some way. I guess I'll still be doing that to a point even after he's off at UT, but this is a MAJOR "letting go" and I need to keep that in mind. No more e-mail monitoring, or computer activity monitoring. None of that.
And Aidan and I are so close. He'll be sitting there on his computer and start laughing, and I know that's my cue to ask, "What?" And then he'll tell me something funny he just read or watched. He's done that constantly his whole life ... hopefully that means he'll miss me when he's sitting in his dorm or at the library reading XKCD comics or looking at I Can Has Cheezburger or something, and he'll want to share it with me and the only way he can do it will be via facebook or Twitter, no eye contact, no hearing Mom laugh. (Darned tears!!)
So, no, I'm not ready for this, and I won't ever be, and I hate it.
And one day he's going to want to go to JAPAN, and what will I do then??
Ugh. Lord Jesus, You can come back now. The sooner the better. Please.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Graduation Day, part 2
Well, I survived it.
And overall it was an amazing, beautiful, fantastic day.
Started out with the School of Rhetoric (i.e. High School) Awards Ceremony. Aidan garnered a few awards, including "President's List" honor roll (grade average of 95-97 for the first three quarters), got a silver medal for his grade on the National Spanish Exam, Spanish 1 level (which was amazing since he didn't even start the class until the second semester), and a gold medal for his grade on the National Latin Exam, was chosen the Molecular Biology Student of the Year, and was recognized for being a National Merit Finalist with a beautiful Lucite plaque/trophy (too thick to be a plaque, but not exactly a trophy ...) And he was officially announced as the Salutatorian, but we've known since last year he would have that honor.
Then they have a special Senior recognition, in which a member of the junior class reads a tribute they've written to a member of the Senior class. That's always fun, and the young man who wrote about Aidan nailed him pretty well (nailed in the sense of accurately defined him, not made fun of him). Aidan got to keep a written copy of what the junior said, so that will go into his keepsake stuff!
As the ceremony ended and the head of the athletic department got up to give the closing prayer, I suddenly choked up -- I realized how much I was going to miss this awesome school, the whole wonderful Christlike atmosphere of the place, the love and the encouragement of the faculty and staff, all that. And this was the last day we would be associated with it in a direct sense. *cry*
Then we had graduation rehearsal and went back home.
I don't normally reprint emails I've sent someone in my blogs, but since I'm tired and don't want to have to write everything out twice, I'm going to paste here the graduation description I already sent to a friend this morning, maybe adding a few things along the way ...
Graduation was awesome. I LOVE Aidan's school and the way they personalize everything. With 11 kids in the graduating class you can do that.
I was incredibly thrilled that my mom was able to go see Aidan graduate. Her health is just not good at all, and she's not able to go out and do a lot of things away from the house, especially a sort-of monumental thing like a ceremony or service or whatever. But God granted his beautiful mercy to Mom yesterday and she was able to come with Daddy and share in Aidan's big day along with us and Aidan's paternal grandparents, who came out from Arizona to be part of the celebration.
Aidan's Salutatorian speech was so good, and it was SO totally him. It was about how, although people often say "High school is the best time of your life," he certainly hopes that ISN'T true, because he hasn't even begun to do and be all the things he wants to do and be. He sees high school as a springboard, with college giving him and his classmates this whole brand new opportunity to go out there and expand on who they think they are, etc. It gives you a chance to reinvent yourself. It's certainly not a new theme for a high school graduation, but the wording and delivery were totally Aidan and beautifully done.
I don't remember if I told you anything else about how their ceremony works, but they have the parents come up with the student before they get their diploma. While we're walking up they read the "charge" we wrote to our student (I'll post that at the end), then they say the student's full name, we hug/kiss/shake hands/whatever with them, then they leave us, walk across the stage and get their diploma, then the student leaves the stage from that end and we walk back down the way we came -- opposite sides, intentionally symbolic of them leaving their parents and going out on their own.
Of course there's a keynote speech (they chose one of their English teachers to give it), and the headmaster gives his speech. Our headmaster was recovering from prostate cancer surgery, so this year is was a video from him. He chose the theme of "perseverence" for this year's class, and I thought in the middle of the speech it kinda turned into a downer ("You will go through suffering in your life ... you will lose your job, a treasured and important relationship will end, some of you will divorce, some will get cancer ..." -- I thought he could've said "may" instead of "will" with those last two!!). The message was important, that suffering and difficulty refine us and make us more like Jesus, but some of the wording was a little weird for a high school graduation, or so I thought.
But overall it was just beautiful and awesome, and I didn't need ONE kleenex (although I did get close a couple of times)!! In fact, when they called our name to walk up to the front with Aidan, God totally pasted this huge smile on my face and I couldn't stop smiling! I actually got worried people would think I was looking forward to getting rid of Aidan! lol (My mom said I just looked proud; I hope that was the impression I gave!) And then it was over, we had a nice reception in the cafeteria, and we went home.
And about an hour or so later I looked over at Aidan and thought ... oh, my gosh, he looks like a YOUNG MAN, not just a "teenager"!! He's grown up!
I went to get ready for bed, then, and I just lost it. Bawled my eyes out. Had to have Bjorn come in and put his arms around me. Thank goodness Aidan and Bjorn's folks had already gone off to bed! I would say it was just that the whole day crashed down on me (I was certainly physically exhausted by that point) but I've been teary all morning, too. Ugh! I hope I get over this or it's going to be a weird summer.
Don't know how in heaven's name I'll survive the day we drop Aidan at his dorm and drive off. But a year ago I didn't know how I would survive yesterday, either, and God gave me the grace I needed to get through it, so I'm counting on Him to get me through that day, too.
In the meantime I'm going to pray really hard for Jesus to come back first! ;-)
---
Here is our Charge to Aidan that was printed in the program and read as we walked up to the stage with him:
Aidan, you have amazed us since the minute you entered this world seventeen years ago! It was clear from the start that you had a bright, inquisitive little brain. It’s been a such a fun, incredible ride raising you, watching you navigate interests and talents until finally discovering that One Thing that just clicks with you, that gives you so much joy and is so clearly a God-given gift in you. (We should have known you’d grow up to be a linguist from the way you used to study our faces when we spoke, as if you were trying to figure out how we got those sounds out of our mouths, and how those sounds seemed to fit together to actually mean something!)
And we know it’s going to be just as wonderful watching you become the man God wants you to be, a man after His own heart. We are so excited for you as you begin this next phase of your life. Knowing how much you love God and are committed to Him gives us great peace as we launch you out into the wide world.
“We are not in charge of how you live out the faith, looking over your shoulder, suspiciously critical. We’re partners working alongside you, joyfully expectant. [We] know that you stand by your own faith, not ours.” (2 Corinthians 1:4, The Message)
So, Aidan, Exsisto existo , prodeo quod victum! ["Arise, go forth and conquer!" -- which Aidan would know ...]
We love you!
Mom and Pop
And overall it was an amazing, beautiful, fantastic day.
Started out with the School of Rhetoric (i.e. High School) Awards Ceremony. Aidan garnered a few awards, including "President's List" honor roll (grade average of 95-97 for the first three quarters), got a silver medal for his grade on the National Spanish Exam, Spanish 1 level (which was amazing since he didn't even start the class until the second semester), and a gold medal for his grade on the National Latin Exam, was chosen the Molecular Biology Student of the Year, and was recognized for being a National Merit Finalist with a beautiful Lucite plaque/trophy (too thick to be a plaque, but not exactly a trophy ...) And he was officially announced as the Salutatorian, but we've known since last year he would have that honor.
Then they have a special Senior recognition, in which a member of the junior class reads a tribute they've written to a member of the Senior class. That's always fun, and the young man who wrote about Aidan nailed him pretty well (nailed in the sense of accurately defined him, not made fun of him). Aidan got to keep a written copy of what the junior said, so that will go into his keepsake stuff!
As the ceremony ended and the head of the athletic department got up to give the closing prayer, I suddenly choked up -- I realized how much I was going to miss this awesome school, the whole wonderful Christlike atmosphere of the place, the love and the encouragement of the faculty and staff, all that. And this was the last day we would be associated with it in a direct sense. *cry*
Then we had graduation rehearsal and went back home.
I don't normally reprint emails I've sent someone in my blogs, but since I'm tired and don't want to have to write everything out twice, I'm going to paste here the graduation description I already sent to a friend this morning, maybe adding a few things along the way ...
Graduation was awesome. I LOVE Aidan's school and the way they personalize everything. With 11 kids in the graduating class you can do that.
I was incredibly thrilled that my mom was able to go see Aidan graduate. Her health is just not good at all, and she's not able to go out and do a lot of things away from the house, especially a sort-of monumental thing like a ceremony or service or whatever. But God granted his beautiful mercy to Mom yesterday and she was able to come with Daddy and share in Aidan's big day along with us and Aidan's paternal grandparents, who came out from Arizona to be part of the celebration.
Aidan's Salutatorian speech was so good, and it was SO totally him. It was about how, although people often say "High school is the best time of your life," he certainly hopes that ISN'T true, because he hasn't even begun to do and be all the things he wants to do and be. He sees high school as a springboard, with college giving him and his classmates this whole brand new opportunity to go out there and expand on who they think they are, etc. It gives you a chance to reinvent yourself. It's certainly not a new theme for a high school graduation, but the wording and delivery were totally Aidan and beautifully done.
I don't remember if I told you anything else about how their ceremony works, but they have the parents come up with the student before they get their diploma. While we're walking up they read the "charge" we wrote to our student (I'll post that at the end), then they say the student's full name, we hug/kiss/shake hands/whatever with them, then they leave us, walk across the stage and get their diploma, then the student leaves the stage from that end and we walk back down the way we came -- opposite sides, intentionally symbolic of them leaving their parents and going out on their own.
Of course there's a keynote speech (they chose one of their English teachers to give it), and the headmaster gives his speech. Our headmaster was recovering from prostate cancer surgery, so this year is was a video from him. He chose the theme of "perseverence" for this year's class, and I thought in the middle of the speech it kinda turned into a downer ("You will go through suffering in your life ... you will lose your job, a treasured and important relationship will end, some of you will divorce, some will get cancer ..." -- I thought he could've said "may" instead of "will" with those last two!!). The message was important, that suffering and difficulty refine us and make us more like Jesus, but some of the wording was a little weird for a high school graduation, or so I thought.
But overall it was just beautiful and awesome, and I didn't need ONE kleenex (although I did get close a couple of times)!! In fact, when they called our name to walk up to the front with Aidan, God totally pasted this huge smile on my face and I couldn't stop smiling! I actually got worried people would think I was looking forward to getting rid of Aidan! lol (My mom said I just looked proud; I hope that was the impression I gave!) And then it was over, we had a nice reception in the cafeteria, and we went home.
And about an hour or so later I looked over at Aidan and thought ... oh, my gosh, he looks like a YOUNG MAN, not just a "teenager"!! He's grown up!
I went to get ready for bed, then, and I just lost it. Bawled my eyes out. Had to have Bjorn come in and put his arms around me. Thank goodness Aidan and Bjorn's folks had already gone off to bed! I would say it was just that the whole day crashed down on me (I was certainly physically exhausted by that point) but I've been teary all morning, too. Ugh! I hope I get over this or it's going to be a weird summer.
Don't know how in heaven's name I'll survive the day we drop Aidan at his dorm and drive off. But a year ago I didn't know how I would survive yesterday, either, and God gave me the grace I needed to get through it, so I'm counting on Him to get me through that day, too.
In the meantime I'm going to pray really hard for Jesus to come back first! ;-)
---
Here is our Charge to Aidan that was printed in the program and read as we walked up to the stage with him:
Aidan, you have amazed us since the minute you entered this world seventeen years ago! It was clear from the start that you had a bright, inquisitive little brain. It’s been a such a fun, incredible ride raising you, watching you navigate interests and talents until finally discovering that One Thing that just clicks with you, that gives you so much joy and is so clearly a God-given gift in you. (We should have known you’d grow up to be a linguist from the way you used to study our faces when we spoke, as if you were trying to figure out how we got those sounds out of our mouths, and how those sounds seemed to fit together to actually mean something!)
And we know it’s going to be just as wonderful watching you become the man God wants you to be, a man after His own heart. We are so excited for you as you begin this next phase of your life. Knowing how much you love God and are committed to Him gives us great peace as we launch you out into the wide world.
“We are not in charge of how you live out the faith, looking over your shoulder, suspiciously critical. We’re partners working alongside you, joyfully expectant. [We] know that you stand by your own faith, not ours.” (2 Corinthians 1:4, The Message)
So, Aidan, Exsisto existo , prodeo quod victum! ["Arise, go forth and conquer!" -- which Aidan would know ...]
We love you!
Mom and Pop
Friday, May 27, 2011
Graduation Day!!
Well, it's actually here -- Aidan's Graduation Day. I have about two minutes to blog about it, so most of the actual Graduation Day writing will be tomorrow or later ...
I'm making today a positive day in my head. Celebrating the amazing pre-college academic career of my wonderful son. Rejoicing in the many ways God has guided us, guided his teachers, guided him through these last 12 years (almost 18 for us!). Praising God for giving us the incredible privilege of raising this young man who is just truly the neatest kid on the planet.
When we say our farewells at UT on the day we drop him off for his first semester there, I will bawl like a baby (hopefully not until we get back in the car). Today, I'm really going to try NOT to do that. I'm going to keep my focus upbeat, on the good stuff, not on the "oh, this is the last time my baby will be a part of this school," or when I look at his three-year-old picture up on the screen alongside his senior portrait during the ceremony, I'm going to do my darnedest not to think "Oh, my gosh, that was just yesterday! Where did the time go???" (There was enough of that during the Senior breakfast yesterday morning when we watched the slideshows of the kids' pictures from infancy through this year!)
Might be best not to even look at the pic (except it's an awesome one!)
Anyway, so many things happening today, including the Upper School Awards Ceremony, graduation rehearsal, pre-ceremony pictures, then the ceremony and the reception afterward. It's going to be a crazy-busy day, but a good one, celebrating with Aidan and God!
(And why did typing that make tears come to my eyes? Oh, darn ...)
I'm making today a positive day in my head. Celebrating the amazing pre-college academic career of my wonderful son. Rejoicing in the many ways God has guided us, guided his teachers, guided him through these last 12 years (almost 18 for us!). Praising God for giving us the incredible privilege of raising this young man who is just truly the neatest kid on the planet.
When we say our farewells at UT on the day we drop him off for his first semester there, I will bawl like a baby (hopefully not until we get back in the car). Today, I'm really going to try NOT to do that. I'm going to keep my focus upbeat, on the good stuff, not on the "oh, this is the last time my baby will be a part of this school," or when I look at his three-year-old picture up on the screen alongside his senior portrait during the ceremony, I'm going to do my darnedest not to think "Oh, my gosh, that was just yesterday! Where did the time go???" (There was enough of that during the Senior breakfast yesterday morning when we watched the slideshows of the kids' pictures from infancy through this year!)
Might be best not to even look at the pic (except it's an awesome one!)
Anyway, so many things happening today, including the Upper School Awards Ceremony, graduation rehearsal, pre-ceremony pictures, then the ceremony and the reception afterward. It's going to be a crazy-busy day, but a good one, celebrating with Aidan and God!
(And why did typing that make tears come to my eyes? Oh, darn ...)
Thursday, April 28, 2011
One month
It's just one month from graduation. Technically that was yesterday (graduation is on May 27), but yesterday was full of "stuff" and I didn't feel like writing.
Like a headache.
Like two movies.
Like watching live streaming of the tornadoes in the South, courtesy TornadoVideos.net.
Like Mythbusters.
So it sounds like I might have done a good job of avoiding the topic, but one of the movies I watched was Toy Story 3.
When Toy Story 3 came out in the theaters, I made a vow to myself that I wouldn't see this movie. Possibly ever. At least until I had young grandchildren and that Dreaded Day was far off in both directions -- Aidan's well behind him, theirs well ahead.
But I'd seen a documentary about Pixar the night before and wanted to watch Toy Story 2 ... except that Netflix didn't have it on their Watch It Now list, so I decided I'd just go ahead and do TS3, having completely forgotten that it was about a 17-year-old boy about to go off to college.
When it started and I realized, I almost turned it off. But I thought, no, I can do this, I can be tough and watch this movie. It's only a movie, after all, right?
Well, I survived it. I cried a lot, though. It was a good movie, but I seriously wouldn't force any of my friends who are parents of the Class of 2011 to watch it. It did help knowing that Aidan wouldn't be caught dead playing with any of his old toys at this stage in his life, even if he was "saying goodbye" to them and helping another child get to know them. It's not who or where Aidan is in his life right now. Of course, I hold his old toys to be incredibly sacred, so there would have been no "You decide what to keep, what to put in the attic, and what to throw away," going on with me. I'd be afraid he'd get rid of the ones I wanted to keep! lol
Seriously, when Aidan goes to UT, I will not be making him purge his room. It can stay just like it is for now. He'll be coming home fairly often, anyway (so he says, and I'm counting on that!). I might do some re-organizing and straightening, might actually get his three Perfect Score on the National Latin Exam certificates framed and hung. But no purging!!
And what was with that mother, letting her son drive off to college by himself? Why didn't she go with him to help him get set up and settled in? Don't all parents do that? Heck, I don't care if UT is less than an hour's drive away, we're going with Aidan to see the dorm, get him settled, etc. Whether he likes it or not! lol
So ... yeah. One month until he graduates from high school. I think it's going to be a rollercoaster ride, to be honest. I thought I was doing better, thought I was prepared, but ...
I know, Lord. One day at a time.
Like a headache.
Like two movies.
Like watching live streaming of the tornadoes in the South, courtesy TornadoVideos.net.
Like Mythbusters.
So it sounds like I might have done a good job of avoiding the topic, but one of the movies I watched was Toy Story 3.
When Toy Story 3 came out in the theaters, I made a vow to myself that I wouldn't see this movie. Possibly ever. At least until I had young grandchildren and that Dreaded Day was far off in both directions -- Aidan's well behind him, theirs well ahead.
But I'd seen a documentary about Pixar the night before and wanted to watch Toy Story 2 ... except that Netflix didn't have it on their Watch It Now list, so I decided I'd just go ahead and do TS3, having completely forgotten that it was about a 17-year-old boy about to go off to college.
When it started and I realized, I almost turned it off. But I thought, no, I can do this, I can be tough and watch this movie. It's only a movie, after all, right?
Well, I survived it. I cried a lot, though. It was a good movie, but I seriously wouldn't force any of my friends who are parents of the Class of 2011 to watch it. It did help knowing that Aidan wouldn't be caught dead playing with any of his old toys at this stage in his life, even if he was "saying goodbye" to them and helping another child get to know them. It's not who or where Aidan is in his life right now. Of course, I hold his old toys to be incredibly sacred, so there would have been no "You decide what to keep, what to put in the attic, and what to throw away," going on with me. I'd be afraid he'd get rid of the ones I wanted to keep! lol
Seriously, when Aidan goes to UT, I will not be making him purge his room. It can stay just like it is for now. He'll be coming home fairly often, anyway (so he says, and I'm counting on that!). I might do some re-organizing and straightening, might actually get his three Perfect Score on the National Latin Exam certificates framed and hung. But no purging!!
And what was with that mother, letting her son drive off to college by himself? Why didn't she go with him to help him get set up and settled in? Don't all parents do that? Heck, I don't care if UT is less than an hour's drive away, we're going with Aidan to see the dorm, get him settled, etc. Whether he likes it or not! lol
So ... yeah. One month until he graduates from high school. I think it's going to be a rollercoaster ride, to be honest. I thought I was doing better, thought I was prepared, but ...
I know, Lord. One day at a time.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Hook 'em, Horns!
Okay, I confess, I have been woefully remiss in keeping up this blog. Partly that's because I've been doing a fairly admirable job of living in denial and finding other things to fill up my thoughts so that I don't dwell on the fact that Aidan will be leaving home in four months!
What has filled my time? Well, my fictional blog has taken up a lot of it. Pain and suffering have taken up some. And just the general day-to-day stuff we all get busy with when we're living our lives.
Of course, the reminders that college is coming have been there, sometimes taking over our lives so strongly that I just think, "Can we please just get this over with and go on with life???"
We recently came through the Making a Decision wars. Don't ask me to go into details, it's been pretty rugged, especially once the financial aid offers came back from both U Chicago and UT and were both spectacularly lame. The lack of a free-ride offer or any other remotely decent help freaked Bjorn out, so we had a week of panicked scrambling while he tried to see if there were other schools Aidan could apply to, preferably that had National Merit scholarships available (since Aidan qualifies). It got complicated and nasty.
Blessedly, God prevailed and guided Aidan to an answer -- and we are now the proud parents of a future University of Texas Longhorn!! Still have no idea how we'll pay for it all, but I am definitely trusting God to make a way.
We have SOOOOOO much relief since that decision! Now I can relax a bit knowing Aidan won't be way off in the Midwest, but just down the road close enough to come home on a whim if he wants to. On his own, and yet not so far off that he can't get pretty immediate help if he needs it. And he's really excited, too. He'll be in the Liberal Arts Honors College -- hoping to get into one of their two dorms. He's been calculating how many hours he can test out of (at one point he said he thought he could test out of 15 semester hours!).
He does need to be working a little harder at getting private scholarships. That's not easy, as so many of them have qualfiers he doesn't fit (things like having to have attended a certain middle school, or be majoring in specific subjects, or whatever). We fall into the all-too-common crack of making too much money to qualify for most financial aid, and yet we really don't have the amount the F. Aid people think we do to spend on school (did they not look at our bills and expenses?). Aidan is willing to take on loans (I can feel Dave Ramsey shuddering now), but we're hoping to keep that kind of thing at a minimum. And, of course, he's willing to get a job to help out.
So now we can concentrate on just enjoying graduation and this special, heartwrenching-yet-exciting transition in all our lives!
Okay, that's not entirely true. First I'll be concentrating on having neck surgery, a three-level fusion operation that will hopefully eradicate -- or at least greatly reduce -- the pain I've been having. I've got all kinds of stuff going on in my neck -- degenerative disk disease, bone spurs, compromised spinal cord, kyphosis (instead of being shaped like a shallow backwards "C" my neck is almost straight, with actually a tiny bit of forward curve) -- and it's causing a lot of pain, so the doc is going to remove three disks, replace them with bone grafts to open up the space in there for my spinal cord, screw on some stabilizing plates and remove the bone spur that is likely to cause some issues in the near future. It may happen as early as tomorrow (I'm supposed to find out in a half hour or so), or it may not be until next Friday (April 15), but either way, I am praying for God's timing. I had to postpone it once (it was supposed to be April 8) because I had a bout of diverticulitis, of all things!
If I do have to postpone it again, I will just put it off until after graduation -- I don't want to still be in Recent Recovery mode, I want to be able to enjoy it. I will have to wear a neck brace for up to six months, but I don't mind so much having that on during the ceremony, I just want to not be feeling rotten and have no energy. At Aidan's school, it being super small (11 kids in his graduating class!), the parents take part in the ceremony, so it's very important to me to be able to do that. This is why I really hope I can get the surgery done this week -- that gives me over a month to get over the immediate post-recover stuff, plus I won't have to fear getting one of the Please Kill Me Now killer "neck-graines" I can get. (Had one this week, lasted for three days, still have some residual pain from it, so, yeah, DO NOT want that to be a possibility for graduation week!)
So ... now we have our direction. God has been teaching me a lot about trusting for each day alone, not trying to get everything all worried-up and solved for tomorrow. Mostly I'm learning. Sometimes I lapse, but He's going to get me through all of this, I have faith in that!
Onward to the Empty Nest ...
What has filled my time? Well, my fictional blog has taken up a lot of it. Pain and suffering have taken up some. And just the general day-to-day stuff we all get busy with when we're living our lives.
Of course, the reminders that college is coming have been there, sometimes taking over our lives so strongly that I just think, "Can we please just get this over with and go on with life???"
We recently came through the Making a Decision wars. Don't ask me to go into details, it's been pretty rugged, especially once the financial aid offers came back from both U Chicago and UT and were both spectacularly lame. The lack of a free-ride offer or any other remotely decent help freaked Bjorn out, so we had a week of panicked scrambling while he tried to see if there were other schools Aidan could apply to, preferably that had National Merit scholarships available (since Aidan qualifies). It got complicated and nasty.
Blessedly, God prevailed and guided Aidan to an answer -- and we are now the proud parents of a future University of Texas Longhorn!! Still have no idea how we'll pay for it all, but I am definitely trusting God to make a way.
We have SOOOOOO much relief since that decision! Now I can relax a bit knowing Aidan won't be way off in the Midwest, but just down the road close enough to come home on a whim if he wants to. On his own, and yet not so far off that he can't get pretty immediate help if he needs it. And he's really excited, too. He'll be in the Liberal Arts Honors College -- hoping to get into one of their two dorms. He's been calculating how many hours he can test out of (at one point he said he thought he could test out of 15 semester hours!).
He does need to be working a little harder at getting private scholarships. That's not easy, as so many of them have qualfiers he doesn't fit (things like having to have attended a certain middle school, or be majoring in specific subjects, or whatever). We fall into the all-too-common crack of making too much money to qualify for most financial aid, and yet we really don't have the amount the F. Aid people think we do to spend on school (did they not look at our bills and expenses?). Aidan is willing to take on loans (I can feel Dave Ramsey shuddering now), but we're hoping to keep that kind of thing at a minimum. And, of course, he's willing to get a job to help out.
So now we can concentrate on just enjoying graduation and this special, heartwrenching-yet-exciting transition in all our lives!
Okay, that's not entirely true. First I'll be concentrating on having neck surgery, a three-level fusion operation that will hopefully eradicate -- or at least greatly reduce -- the pain I've been having. I've got all kinds of stuff going on in my neck -- degenerative disk disease, bone spurs, compromised spinal cord, kyphosis (instead of being shaped like a shallow backwards "C" my neck is almost straight, with actually a tiny bit of forward curve) -- and it's causing a lot of pain, so the doc is going to remove three disks, replace them with bone grafts to open up the space in there for my spinal cord, screw on some stabilizing plates and remove the bone spur that is likely to cause some issues in the near future. It may happen as early as tomorrow (I'm supposed to find out in a half hour or so), or it may not be until next Friday (April 15), but either way, I am praying for God's timing. I had to postpone it once (it was supposed to be April 8) because I had a bout of diverticulitis, of all things!
If I do have to postpone it again, I will just put it off until after graduation -- I don't want to still be in Recent Recovery mode, I want to be able to enjoy it. I will have to wear a neck brace for up to six months, but I don't mind so much having that on during the ceremony, I just want to not be feeling rotten and have no energy. At Aidan's school, it being super small (11 kids in his graduating class!), the parents take part in the ceremony, so it's very important to me to be able to do that. This is why I really hope I can get the surgery done this week -- that gives me over a month to get over the immediate post-recover stuff, plus I won't have to fear getting one of the Please Kill Me Now killer "neck-graines" I can get. (Had one this week, lasted for three days, still have some residual pain from it, so, yeah, DO NOT want that to be a possibility for graduation week!)
So ... now we have our direction. God has been teaching me a lot about trusting for each day alone, not trying to get everything all worried-up and solved for tomorrow. Mostly I'm learning. Sometimes I lapse, but He's going to get me through all of this, I have faith in that!
Onward to the Empty Nest ...
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Oops! Brain fog ...
Well, this is embarrassing ... I forgot all about this blog! Okay, I didn't really forget I had it, but I haven't thought of writing in it in ages.
Maybe that's a good thing. It means I'm not currently freaking out about Aidan graduating and leaving home.
Currently.
God has really been working to teach me I need to stop worrying about the future and just focus on living today. Not that I've really achieved that in any great way, but it has helped me remember He gives me grace for today, not tomorrow (as I've said before), and when we get to that point (graduation/college), He will be there to abundantly provide the grace I need.
So I'm just choosing not to dwell on it right now.
Part of the reason for that is that I've had to be dwelling on the ridiculous spine problems I've been having. Occasional excruciating headaches, constant "minor" pain in shoulder, neck, head, etc. I finally decided to go to a spine specialist, who says he thinks he can help me (yay!), but I have to have a CT Myelogram imaging test next week, which involves a SPINAL TAP (boo!!!!!!!!!!), so I'm not looking forward to that. And I wonder if the "fix-up" for my neck involves surgery, which could be scary. Oh, well ... once again, God will be in all that when I get there. I just have to put it all in His hands.
I've also been spending a LOT of time on my fictional blog/novel lately. I'm recording it (aka, reading it out loud) for my mom to listen to, as she's had some issues with her eyes and her glasses not being all that great. It takes a long time to read/record nearly 150 posts! I've only done 40, and of course discovered that my little digital voice recorder doesn't have that great of quality. Still, it's heaps of fun to do (I love doing dramatic reading!), especially Phil's part, since I get to talk with a New Zealand accent!
On the college front, Aidan was named as a NATIONAL MERIT FINALIST!!!!! (That should have been at the top of the post!!) Hopefully this will manifest itself in heaps of scholarship opportunities being piled at his feet. So far it's only manifested itself in lots of colleges that DON'T have an undergrad linguistics program begging Aidan to come there (Texas Tech comes to mind). We're holding out for UT (and Aidan is also holding out for U Chicago) to come through for us. We need to talk to the school guidance counselor, though, about what he should be doing to ENSURE that they do. (preferably UT)
We did the math a few weeks ago and discovered that U Chicago costs THREE TIMES as much as UT per year! So Aidan is realizing U Chicago might not be in his near future. (Unless, of course, they decide to offer him a full-ride or nearly-full-ride scholarship ... you know how I would feel about that!) Aidan's problem is he's a little, um ... lazy ... about this stuff, so if he doesn't get off his derriere and get busy, he may end up at Austin Community College, which is NOT the plan.
Anyway ... hopefully that gets you a little caught up on what's been happening. I'm sure as graduation gets closer there will be lots more to talk about!
Maybe that's a good thing. It means I'm not currently freaking out about Aidan graduating and leaving home.
Currently.
God has really been working to teach me I need to stop worrying about the future and just focus on living today. Not that I've really achieved that in any great way, but it has helped me remember He gives me grace for today, not tomorrow (as I've said before), and when we get to that point (graduation/college), He will be there to abundantly provide the grace I need.
So I'm just choosing not to dwell on it right now.
Part of the reason for that is that I've had to be dwelling on the ridiculous spine problems I've been having. Occasional excruciating headaches, constant "minor" pain in shoulder, neck, head, etc. I finally decided to go to a spine specialist, who says he thinks he can help me (yay!), but I have to have a CT Myelogram imaging test next week, which involves a SPINAL TAP (boo!!!!!!!!!!), so I'm not looking forward to that. And I wonder if the "fix-up" for my neck involves surgery, which could be scary. Oh, well ... once again, God will be in all that when I get there. I just have to put it all in His hands.
I've also been spending a LOT of time on my fictional blog/novel lately. I'm recording it (aka, reading it out loud) for my mom to listen to, as she's had some issues with her eyes and her glasses not being all that great. It takes a long time to read/record nearly 150 posts! I've only done 40, and of course discovered that my little digital voice recorder doesn't have that great of quality. Still, it's heaps of fun to do (I love doing dramatic reading!), especially Phil's part, since I get to talk with a New Zealand accent!
On the college front, Aidan was named as a NATIONAL MERIT FINALIST!!!!! (That should have been at the top of the post!!) Hopefully this will manifest itself in heaps of scholarship opportunities being piled at his feet. So far it's only manifested itself in lots of colleges that DON'T have an undergrad linguistics program begging Aidan to come there (Texas Tech comes to mind). We're holding out for UT (and Aidan is also holding out for U Chicago) to come through for us. We need to talk to the school guidance counselor, though, about what he should be doing to ENSURE that they do. (preferably UT)
We did the math a few weeks ago and discovered that U Chicago costs THREE TIMES as much as UT per year! So Aidan is realizing U Chicago might not be in his near future. (Unless, of course, they decide to offer him a full-ride or nearly-full-ride scholarship ... you know how I would feel about that!) Aidan's problem is he's a little, um ... lazy ... about this stuff, so if he doesn't get off his derriere and get busy, he may end up at Austin Community College, which is NOT the plan.
Anyway ... hopefully that gets you a little caught up on what's been happening. I'm sure as graduation gets closer there will be lots more to talk about!
Friday, December 31, 2010
Class of 2011
Well, it's almost here (and by the time anyone reads this, it WILL be here): 2011
While 2010 was not one of the best years of my life (I mean, seriously, 2-1/2 months of strep throat!), I'm still not jumping for joy that we've hit 2011. This is THE YEAR.
The year Aidan graduates high school.
The year Aidan leaves home and enters college.
It is my earnest prayer that these are the "worst" things that happen in our lives this coming year. But that doesn't mean I'm looking forward to them. I know God has amazing things in store for my amazing son, and I am honestly looking forward to seeing how all God's plans play out in his life. I just hate that it's here already. That the adorable baby who used to study my mouth so hard to try to figure out how to get language out of his mouth is now going to leave the nest to study how languages work. (Okay, I have to stop this right now because I'm about to ring in the new year with tears in my eyes, and I don't want to do that.)
I started reading a new book the other day called "Spiritual Rhythm" by Mark Buchanan, and in the dedication he says something like "To my son ... The seasons from holding you to letting you go went by too fast."
Amen, Mark. Amen.
While 2010 was not one of the best years of my life (I mean, seriously, 2-1/2 months of strep throat!), I'm still not jumping for joy that we've hit 2011. This is THE YEAR.
The year Aidan graduates high school.
The year Aidan leaves home and enters college.
It is my earnest prayer that these are the "worst" things that happen in our lives this coming year. But that doesn't mean I'm looking forward to them. I know God has amazing things in store for my amazing son, and I am honestly looking forward to seeing how all God's plans play out in his life. I just hate that it's here already. That the adorable baby who used to study my mouth so hard to try to figure out how to get language out of his mouth is now going to leave the nest to study how languages work. (Okay, I have to stop this right now because I'm about to ring in the new year with tears in my eyes, and I don't want to do that.)
I started reading a new book the other day called "Spiritual Rhythm" by Mark Buchanan, and in the dedication he says something like "To my son ... The seasons from holding you to letting you go went by too fast."
Amen, Mark. Amen.
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