Class of 2011

Well, it's almost here (and by the time anyone reads this, it WILL be here): 2011

While 2010 was not one of the best years of my life (I mean, seriously, 2-1/2 months of strep throat!), I'm still not jumping for joy that we've hit 2011. This is THE YEAR.

The year Aidan graduates high school.

The year Aidan leaves home and enters college.

It is my earnest prayer that these are the "worst" things that happen in our lives this coming year. But that doesn't mean I'm looking forward to them. I know God has amazing things in store for my amazing son, and I am honestly looking forward to seeing how all God's plans play out in his life. I just hate that it's here already. That the adorable baby who used to study my mouth so hard to try to figure out how to get language out of his mouth is now going to leave the nest to study how languages work. (Okay, I have to stop this right now because I'm about to ring in the new year with tears in my eyes, and I don't want to do that.)

I started reading a new book the other day called "Spiritual Rhythm" by Mark Buchanan, and in the dedication he says something like "To my son ... The seasons from holding you to letting you go went by too fast."

Amen, Mark. Amen.

Another Acceptance

Well, Aidan got an e-mail (!) from the University of Chicago today, and he has been accepted there, as well.

Notice I'm not jumping up and down and screaming happily about this one.

So, although the situation is different, we still have the same dilemma -- UT or UC?

I know what I'm pulling for.

Aidan, I think, really wants to go to the University of Chicago. I think he has it in his head it would be different from here and therefore "exotic." It does sound like they have an outstanding linguistics program, but then so does UT. Plus UT would be cheaper for us. And we'd get to see him more than once or twice a year.

What is with kids wanting to get away from home?? It's not like his home life has been horribly restrictive and unbearable. He'll get away from us soon enough, once he hits grad school. And he's dying to live in Japan, so I am in no hurry for him to gallivant off to Illinois, or anywhere else outside a 300-mile radius.

Yeah, ho ho ho, Merry Christmas.

ACCEPTED!!

Aidan has been accepted at the University of Texas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He hasn't let them know he's coming yet. I think he still wants to see if U Chicago will accept him, and he's still thinking about applying to Rice (for whatever reason). Honestly, though, I don't think we can afford the other two. It will depend on scholarships, etc., but hopefully we can convince him UT is the place for now.

As long as that's God's will.

He's pretty chuffed, though. So glad all that hard work paid off!

Minnow Paws

WARNING: This is a brain dump caused by menopause. I'm not responsible for its content. You'll have to blame my hormones for that.

This has been a rough week (and it's only Tuesday!). I'm going through about 32 different things all at once, and I might jut go crazy. Of course there's the Aidan Leaving Home thing. At this point it looks like there is nowhere in the-place-they-don't-serve-breakfast that I can do that, that I can survive this awesome, amazing and wonderful kid NOT being a daily part of my life after 18 years.

My husband is stressed all the freaking time, and it's not fun. I love him, no worries there, but I might end up in a state hospital from this.

My health won't let me go out and do enough things to keep busy, so I have to manufacture stuff to do at home. I'm not into stamping or scrapping right now. Ditto genealogy. I am VERY into writing, so that's a good thing, but I am incredibly depressed that I can't get anyone to read my fictional blog, which is my Big Story. The novel I've been working on for the last four years (off and on), basically. And it ain't because I don't write well. I think there's some awesome stuff in there. I think it's mostly awesome stuff. But I can't even get my own husband to read it, and my mother can't because of glasses issues. (Nobody reads this blog, either, so I don't know why any of this surprises me.)

I think I have one "fan," who just happens to be writing her own fictional blog, so we kinda have to keep each other buoyed up. Except that she's got a lot of friends who read hers. I'm having a huge pity party about this tonight. And I'm writing it here because I'm frustrated and I just need somewhere to write it.

And Phil Joel is no longer one of the Newsboys. (Yeah, I know that was nearly four years ago that he quit, but some days it still really depresses me. His solo stuff is awesome, but I just think he and Peter should still be Newsboys. Technically Peter still is, but he's not on stage anymore. I say get rid of Michael Tait and put Pete and Phil back in, and it'll all be good.) I know, I'm 47 years old and I act like I'm 17 most of the time. It be what it be.

My spiritual life is lagging, and I worry that I've got mental issues. (See above paragraph.)

I cry at the drop of a hat. Buckets.

I don't want to do hormone therapy. Even bioidenticals can have health issues.

In spite of all this, I can still say God is good all the time.

Thank you, and good night.

How Long, O Lord, How Long?

We've been busy with lots of things lately, so I haven't had a chance (or the inclination or whatever) to blog lately, at least here, so I apologize to all my readers who have been absolutely dying to hear from me.

--- sound of hysterical laughter ---

Okay, back to reality.

I have been blogging, just not here. I'm writing a fictional blog (aka "blogfiction") and that is heaps of fun and has taken up a lot of my time. I'd already written most of the story in 3rd person, so I've been converting it to 1st person and trying to make it fit the concept of a blog, although my entries, by necessity, have to be longer than an average blog post. Anyway, if you're interested, you can check it out here: Caddie Emerging (first post)

This is what we've been dealing with lately on the college app front (just substitute the words "college essays" for "English lit project":


He did manage to get in his app to UChicago by the early app deadline of Nov. 1. Now he needs to get his butt in gear on the UT Honors College app, the UT 40 Acres Scholarship app, and the Rice Univ. application. ALL the UT stuff has to be in by December 1, I believe.

I'm so tired of pushing this kid to get stuff done. He was really fired up about getting everything in early back at the first of September, but then we discovered just how freaking many essays one has to write to apply to universities, and it all went downhill from there. I don't blame him. The whole system is stupid, but since I don't think it'll change between now and the time he has to get his apps in, we just have to live with it.

UT's football team has been REALLY stinking this year. We're not really into that, but I'm hoping maybe it'll mean fewer people will apply to UT if they thing the team is going to stink. Hey, I'm grasping at anything, here. UT is a very popular school and it's very hard to get in because of that. But you know that.

Anyway, we have a "Senior Parent/Student Brown Bag Lunch" coming up in another couple of weeks -- to measure for caps and gowns and to look at graduation announcement stationers. No way am I ready for this!

Ugh. Okay, I'm going off to do something else right now before I end up a teary mess sogging up the sofa ...

Inequity

This may turn into a rant, so please forgive me.

No, Aidan has not even turned in an application to any college yet (although the goal is to get the one for UT in today). No, he has not been rejected by any college yet.

But after talking with his college counselor a couple of times and finding out just how ridiculously hard it is for WHITE MIDDLE-CLASS KIDS WHOSE PARENTS ARE WELL-EDUCATED to get accepted at some of these universities, I am hopping mad.

Diversity. I hate that word like you wouldn't believe. It's not that I don't believe we should be "equal opportunity" in who gets accepted at colleges -- I'm all for that -- but the "equal opportunity" should be based on MERIT ALONE, not on your race, ethnicity, socio-economic status, or whether or not you'll be the first in your family to go to college.

Everyone should have a chance to get into the university of their choice.

Schools whose senior classes have fewer than 100 kids in them should have a different criteria for automatic entry to UT than "top 8%." In Aidan's school, that is ONE KID. Aidan is SECOND in his class, and just a few hundredths of a grade point behind the top kid. Aidan has better test scores than the top kid. She definitely deserves her valedictorian status, but I don't even think she's applying to UT, and Aidan is. Why shouldn't he have the same shot she does? Just because his school is small and "top 8%" means ONE PERSON, he doesn't get automatic entry into UT even though he is every bit as academically talented as she is. This is wrong.

Bjorn actually suggested at the end of last year that we pull Aidan out of his Christian school and send him to the local public school for his senior year so he could be in the top 8%. In the end we decided this was not what God wanted us to do, so we didn't. I feel pretty sure God will honor our decision to obey him ;-), but I am very peeved that we have to stress over it.

Okay, we don't have to stress over it. God will put Aidan where He wants Aidan (as long as we're being attentive to His will). Still, there is an awful lot of hard work involved in simply applying, and that IS on Aidan's shoulders. God's not going to give Aidan's applications favor with any admissions officials if he turns in a crappy app.

I hate all this stress. I think it's totally unnecessary. I think a whole freakin' lot of it is due to our emphasis on "diversity" that ends up shoving the white middle-class kids off to the side. Yes, in the past these kids have had better chances than their non-white and/or poor counterparts. But MY child (or any other WM-C kid) should not be penalized for something they have no control over (the past). How is that any less "racist" or "unfair" than what caused this diversity-loving thing in the first place?

Again, let me state unequivocally that I am NOT against poor, and/or non-white, and/or otherwise non-academically challenged kids having an equal shot at the openings in this nation's universities. But I AM against shoving the WM-C kids aside in order to meet quotas and be "fair." If these universities are really trying to make themselves the best universities in America/the world, then why in heck would they want to shove aside some of the brightest kids they could get their hands on? (One of Rice University's essay questions is that you write how you can add to the amazing diversity they already have at Rice. How about ... hey, I might be the only white middle-class male in your freshman class! Now that's diversity!)

Okay, I'm done now. I know Aidan's future is in God's hands. I'm just freaking annoyed that, after all the hard work he has put into the last 12 years of his life, he has to work even harder just to make that hard work pay off.

I love Zits - but not campus shooters

(The comic, not the icky face things)

This is today's Zits cartoon, and I totally LOVE it! It is sooooooo true of what we're going through right now ...



BTW -- any of you who use Blogger ... when using the new interface/editor I had no image upload button, I had to go back to the old editor. Anyone else have that problem?

Yesterday an idiot with an AK-47 opened fire on the University of Texas campus. Praise God he didn't hit anyone, but he did end up killing himself after being chased up six flights of stairs into the Perry-Casteneda Library.

All I could think when I heard about this was: 1) Thank God my "baby" wasn't doing a campus visit yesterday!, and 2) We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto.

I knew we weren't "in Kansas" anymore after the Columbine Massacre. But my kid goes to a small Christian school, and although a shooting is possible anywhere, the chances are rather slim. I've been lulled into a false sense of security. College awaits, and alongside the other "parental fears" of kids losing their faith, kids falling in with the wrong crowd, etc., we have the fear of our kid being shot by some maniac with a gun.

I don't see how people who aren't Christians cope with that fear. As it is, I have to bring myself back around to the knowledge that, whatever happens, Aidan's life is in God's hands, and that's exactly where I want it to be. I personally think yesterday was a miracle -- guy with an AK-47 shows up on campus at 8 in the morning and starts firing shots while people are coming to their classes. Nobody is even hurt. From what one eyewitness said, he fired into the ground -- so either he never was really planning to kill anyone (in which case you have to wonder why he went to all the trouble of doing the AK-47/ski mask bit), or he changed his mind at the last minute. Some might even say it's possible there was angelic assistance in keeping that gun aimed at the ground. Any way I look at it I see divine intervention. Of course, God doesn't always choose to stop these things, and I don't pretend to know why. I trust that He knows what He's doing and has an ultimate purpose for whatever happens. I certainly hope and pray that Aidan is never caught up in anything like that!

So ... calmer today (I was a little freaked for awhile yesterday), and on with the college process. Aidan is finally working on his second essay for UT, with the goal of getting his app in by Thursday, Friday at the latest. Please pray that he'll write a super stellar one and that whoever ends up reading his essays will be majorly impressed!

Off to get the clothes out of the dryer ...

Campus Visit

Well, I'm a little late posting this entry, but last week was busy and I wasn't feeling well, so I'm just now getting around to it.

Last Wednesday Aidan made a visit to UT's linguistics department. Had a lovely chat with the undergrad coordinator for the department and sat in on the Linguistics 101 class.

His school's college counselor had said it could never hurt to make a visit to the department of your desired major, that a lot of times if the people in the department really like you they'll go to the admissions people and tell them to "watch for" your name. Scheming mother that I am, I made Aidan make an appointment right away, and Wednesday was the result.

However, sometime during the meeting, the coordinator told Aidan they really have no say in who gets admitted. So while I don't think the visit was a waste, I was pretty disappointed by that. Bjorn says maybe they do "flag" kids' names like the counselor said and they just aren't allowed to say that to the kids who come to visit. So I hope that's it, but I'm bummed, anyway.

For Aidan's part, the visit got him very excited about college. He said the class he sat in on was pretty boring because he already knew what they were talking about, but as for the whole college concept, he's ready to go now. He loves the idea of "specialized classes" (i.e., the ones for your major), he loves that there are more than 11 kids in your entire class (i.e., the freshman class, sophomore class, etc.), etc. He says it will be so nice to be in classes where everyone is there because they're interested in the subject, not just because they have to be there, which is a huge change from the attitude of most of his senior classmates at his Christian school. (He's got a rough class, very apathetic kids, no sense of "community" like last year's senior class had.) So overall he is so ready to be done with high school and get on with LEARNING. (N.B. His high school is a great place for learning, excellent teachers and classes, he's just tired of the attitude of his classmates and ready to do some specializing in the stuff he's most interested in.)

I'm not ready for him to be done with high school. Of course, I wasn't ready for him to be done with kindergarten, either, and that didn't stop the passage of time.

I've been writing lately, fiction (it's actually a fictional blog, I'll post the link at the end of this post for anyone who's interested). It keeps my mind occupied, keeps me from thinking too much about the Empty Nest and all that entails. But when I loosen up the tight rein I've put on my mind where the EN is concerned, it really gets to me. Woke up this morning not feeling all that great, which of course means I was already depressed and then I thought about the fact that September is almost over, and that led me to thinking about how fast this year is gonna go, and next thing you know I had tears streaming down my face. Not a good way to start the day, really. I need to go immerse myself in my story again.

I'm glad God understands mothers' hearts.

Aidan is plowing his way (slowly) through the college application process. He's finished the "common app" that works for both U Chicago and Rice, with the exception of the essays. I think he has the UT one finished except for essays, too. He's barely started on CU Boulder and U Arizona because they have separate applications for each school (UT's is actually part of the "Apply Texas" common application that works for several universities in Texas, although Rice uses a different common app.) I do not envy him all the essays he has to write! He's finished one, which will actually work for pretty much every school (the "who is your hero and why" essay) -- they had to write that one for his English class, so that's the only one he's worked on!

Apparently at Rice and U Chicago if you apply before November 1 and they accept you, you have to make a decision right then and there about whether you're going to their school or not. So Aidan is going to wait on them, but he's still going to get the stuff ready to go.

Anyway ... today is still September, and I'm going to just take each day at a time and enjoy all the ones we have left until he goes off to wherever.

So, link to my fictional blog is here: Caddie Emerging (beginning post). Be sure to read the page under the heading "What the Heck is This?", too. If you like the blog, let me know!

Crazier than I thought!

We met with Aidan's school's college counselor yesterday afternoon. It made me want to encourage Aidan to go into swordmaking. (One day he said he thought it would be neat to make swords. I'm ready to pay for the forge!)

Here, in no particular order, are the reasons:
-- UT has a VERY NARROW acceptance "window." This is partly because the state mandates that every state school has to automatically accept anyone who applies who was in the top 10% of their school (UT managed to talk them into 8% for themselves). So even though I cannot possibly imagine why anyone would turn Aidan away, it's entirely plausible that it could happen. One reason is because they often have "quotas" (though they won't use that word) to encourage diversity. So you really, really have to stand out on your application/essays/letters of recommendation.

-- There are high schools in the state of Texas whose focus is on "diversity" who are trying their durndest to get illegal immigrant kids into the state universities. Regardless of the fact that I believe we should treat illegals with dignity and not throw 'em all back over the fence immediately, this bugs the heck out of me. My child is a citizen of the United States. He is a citizen of the State of Texas. Therefore, he has the right to be admitted to any school in this state. Illegals do not. I have no problem with them applying as international students, but do not take my child's (or any other citizen's) chance away in the name of "diversity."

-- The admissions departments of the big schools take an average of SEVEN MINUTES with each application. Some of the apps get thrown out immediately if there are things on there that don't fit whatever it is the school is looking for in the freshman class for the next year. I.e., if they're trying to score kids who are the first in their family to go to college, the kids whose parents have gone to college may get thrown out without a second look. Likewise, if the kids are white and they're going for "diversity." Etc. I'm not making this up.

-- Aidan will spend hours agonizing over the essays he has to write. The people who are hired as essay readers may chuck his essay after the first paragraph if it doesn't grab them somehow. Never mind that the rest of the essay may be stellar, unique and amazing.

-- Aidan missed out on being valedictorian (i.e. the top 8%) by a couple of hundredths of a point. As I mentioned in the last post, if he'd been valedictorian (by the end of last year), he would have gotten automatic entry into UT. And, I didn't know this until yesterday, he would also have had his first year of tuition paid. AAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

Seriously, the whole thing is just overwhelming to me. Thankfully Aidan is much younger, stronger and can focus better than this old menopausal woman.

I really, really just want to ignore all this right now, but we can't. He needs to get these apps in SOON. And he needs to visit the appropriate departments at UT. And we need to start finding scholarships to sign up for. There is no way we can pay for his college education without scholarships. Or taking out a huge loan.

If you're so inclined, please pray for us! We want what's very best for Aidan, we want God's will for him. I'd like to find that without losing my sanity in the process.

Insanity

This college app thing is going to make me a crazy woman. Actually, this WHOLE college thing is going to make me a crazy woman. If I'm not in the loony bin by the time Aidan goes off to wherever, it will be nothing short of a miracle. A big one.

When did colleges come up with the ludicrous idea of having kids write essays to distinguish themselves from other applicants? I mean, seriously -- you have a jillion kids applying to your university. This translates (at least at UT) into two, possibly three jillion essays. Someone has to read them all. So the kid has to write a hugely amazing essay to even get noticed. Out of jillions. And what about the poor souls who have to read all those essays? Don't you think some of them get a little glazed after awhile? Do they just sort-of start throwing essays on random piles -- the "awesome" pile, the "not too bad" pile, the "ho-hum" pile and the "don't even bother" pile must get pretty mixed up after awhile.

And dear Aidan -- he could have avoided all this mess (at least at UT) by being the valedictorian of his class. UT automatically accepts the top 8% of students in any given school. The top 8% at Aidan's school is the top person. There are ten kids in his entire graduating class. He is the salutatorian. Second place. And while we are immensely proud of him for achieving that status, and feel it is just as amazing at a small school as a large one ... this means he must apply to UT and get in on MERIT! Honestly, I can't see where that would be hard, but it's just such a huge hassle.

Then our pastor the other day said he wouldn't send a kid to UT because there were a couple of kids from our church (or at least kids he knew) who had gone to UT and ended up renouncing their faith. Presumably this was because of philosophy classes. That isn't something a parent of a Christian kid who is considering UT wants to hear. I reminded the pastor that this is why we've been having him over on Monday nights to go through deeper materials than they get in youth group to be sure that Aidan KNOWS what he believes, knows WHY, and understands why it makes more sense than anything else. And I believe Aidan does know that. I feel pretty good about him. I also know the Enemy is pretty sneaky and doesn't always do things the way we might expect, so I'm not taking Aidan's strong faith for granted. This kid is getting lots of prayer. And I'm sure there have been plenty of Christian kids who have gone through UT and come out the other end not only unscathed, but even stronger in their faith. (As well as kids who have gone to other schools who have not -- it's not just UT that chews Christians up and spits them out).

Ugh.

And it's only (nearly) September!

Lord, keep on giving me the strength for this! And please let us know exactly where You want Aidan to go, and give him favor to stand out from the other applicants and be accepted!

I'm going to bed.

College app time

Aidan came home from school the other day ready to get started on the application process. He's had all summer to start thinking about this, but it took his English teacher and the school's college counselor to really wake him up to the reality that THIS IS IT, NOW IS THE TIME! Apparently the English teacher's daughter had her app in at UT on September 1 the year she applied, and she not only got into the school, but got the dorm of her choice.

So we now have made a tentative deadline for ourselves of September 15.

Aidan went online to the "Apply Texas" website (it's for all Texas schools, not just UT) and started filling in the app. And I'm freaking out that he'll somehow accidentally do something wrong. Of course, we're going to have the college counselor (Mrs. K) look over everything, so I don't know why I'm worried. He does have to write TWO essays, and there is a third that is optional (we think he should do it as well). His English teacher has assigned the class to write an essay based on one of the questions at the Apply Texas site. It's due Tuesday.

The thing that's freaking Aidan out is the quality of the essays she read to the class yesterday. They were written by former students at his school, and he said they were "intimidating." The Bjorn said "Oooh, yeah, those application essays really have to stand out." I mean, no pressure! I am SO glad things weren't like this when I went to college!

Aidan had only two schools picked out to apply to (UT and U Chicago). We encouraged him to apply to a couple more, just as "backups." So he picked The University of Colorado at Boulder and Rice (in Houston), since they both have undergraduate linguistics programs. Undergrad programs in linguistics are hard to find, since most schools have linguistics as only a grad-school program (you major in a language as an undergrad, then do linguistics as a grad student, which Aidan doesn't want to do since he is most interested in historical linguistics, not a particular language). Anyway, I found myself thinking, "Oooh, Boulder would be cool!" because Aidan was actually born in Boulder and Bjorn did some grad-level study there. And then I thought, "What am I thinking????? That's nowhere near here!!!" I don't know which one of those thoughts was the more rational one. (OKay, I do, I just don't want to admit it! lol)

I also am not the least bit worried about Aidan screwing up the apps for other schools. I figure if he does that, then that's one less far-away school I have to worry about! Aren't I terrible!!!

I have been praying about this, though. I asked God to give Aidan favor at the school he wants Aidan to go to, and if it isn't the one I want, to give me peace.

Aidan and I have been really enjoying the just-us-in-the-car times we've had this week (since he still doesn't have his driver's license, we're still doing the shuttling to and from school). *SIGH*

He is a neat kid. I'm very, very grateful God gave him to us!

First Day of Senior Year

Okay, technically that was yesterday. I wasn't in a blogging mood yesterday, so I didn't write about it.

I didn't write about:
- Getting up at 6:30 to make breakfast, thinking "This is the last year I'll be doing this on a regular basis."

- Making Aidan's ubiquitous peanut-butter sandwich for lunch and thinking "This is the last year I'll be making his lunch on a regular basis."

- Kissing him good-bye at the door and thinking "This is the last year I'll be doing this every morning on a regular basis."

- Wandering around the house after he and Bjorn had driven off for the day, thinking, "Is this what it's going to be like after he goes off to school? This kind-of lonely, empty feeling?" Which, technically, I didn't really have because my heart knew he would be coming home after school and all would be well. The lonely, empty feeling was more "real" when he was off at Latin nationals for a week at the end of July. And then I was busy getting ready for our trip to London and Norway the following week, so I didn't have much time to dwell on the "faux Empty Nest" feeling.

God is trying to show me that Aidan is not my own, that he belongs to God, and that God has amazing and wonderful things planned for him. He's trying to tell me that we did a good job raising this kid and it's time to prepare to let go and let him go out into the world and do whatever it is he's supposed to do. Sometimes I really find peace with that. Sometimes I think, "Okay, God, you know I really, really hope Your will is that Aidan do his undergrad studies here at UT, but if You have something else planned, well, then, I'll accept that."

Until Aidan says something like, "I think God is telling me He wants me to go to the University of Chicago." In which case I want to throttle Aidan and tell him he doesn't have the slightest clue what God is saying to him, and then I proceed to tell God once again that I really, really want Aidan to stay here and go to UT.

*SIGH* God has a long way to take me this year.

Right now, today, the second day of Aidan's senior year, I'm not sure what I'm feeling. I do know that, today anyway, I want to take every day as a gift and not dwell so much on the long view. This morning I started to think, "It is so danged hot! I can't wait for October!" And then I thought, wait, yes I can wait for October. Hot or not, this day is not as close to THAT day as October will be.

Anyway, right now my son, my only child, is sitting in the office with me, looking at the various web comics he keeps up with. It's raining outside. It's cozy in here. And it's what I have RIGHT NOW. I'll take it.

And so it begins

Well, technically it begins on Monday, but my wonderful, funny, gifted, sweet, amazing, talented, exasperating, infuriating, opinionated, too-smart-for-his-own-good son is now in his senior year at high school. He is my only child, and I am dreading this Empty Nest thing with everything in me. I love this kid, yes, but it's more than that. Since he's an only child, he and I have been "buddies" since Day One. Sure, the buddy thing is different now than it was when he was, say, three years old. Now he'd probably "rather be dipped in bubonic plague" than use the word "buddy" to describe his mother. But the truth remains that we are very close, and I have no idea at this point in the journey how I will survive with him not at home every day.

What really stinks is that I am also starting menopause. I believe that this is why women should get married and have their children EARLY in life (say, around age 20) -- I mean, menopause is enough of a Major Life Change without adding in the Major Life Change of having your last/only kid leave home. Assuming you like your kid. So not only do I have mood swings and cry at the drop of a hat for no reason, I also cry at the drop of a hat when I think about Aidan going off and leaving us.

We live in the Central Texas area, so I want him to go to UT, or Baylor, even Rice would be okay. He wants to major in linguistics, so A&M is out. UT would be the best choice, since they have one of the best linguistics programs in the country. So wouldn't you think he'd just choose that (UT) and go with it?

Ah, yes, but "Mom, that's not much of a change, is it, to stay close to home?" What's so bad about close-to-home? Why does he think he needs a Big Change? C'mon, Texas ain't that bad, kid. And neither are we. And we don't have the money to be flying him home to see us every month or so from, say, Chicago or Alberta. I'm not ready to go from seeing him every day to seeing him once or twice a year. That's a little abrupt.

So, yeah, there are going to be some struggles and some stresses this year like there have never been before.

I wish I was one of those parents who just got all excited about their kid going "out into the world," experiencing life, doing new things, meeting new people, seeing new vistas. In a way, I am. I mean, God did not create this kid so he could stick around our house for his entire life. I understand that, I'm cool with that (mostly). I want him to live the life God has for him. It's the "new vistas" thing that has me worried. I'm good with new vistas in a couple of years AFTER we've gotten used to him not living at home anymore. Not so much right now.

So, anyway, as my profile says, I'm a Christian (we all are in this family), and I'm trying hard to do this thing God's way, to not get in God's way, to encourage Aidan to be the man God wants him to be -- wherever that may end up being. So this blog is intended to chronicle my personal journey as we face this huge upheaval. My hope and prayer is that by the time graduation gets here, by the time he really does go "off" to college (whether that be across town or across the country), that God and I will have worked through it and I'll be okay.

Alright, Lord, here we go ...